#90DaysOfGratitude Day 7

Cafe Breton's Banana Split

Day 7/90 (10/07/2016):

FriDate "share-a-banana-split" chit-chat session w/ my BFF ... priceless 

#GratefulFor --> 2 decades of "share-a-banana-split" friendship LOL 

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#90DaysOfGratitude Day 6

FaceTime with my son ;-)

Day 6/90 (10/06/2016):

meanwhile in japan: my son is learning how to play the koto — japanese traditional stringed instrument 

#GratefulFor –> technology for allowing me to watch him play despite being miles apart 

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#90DaysOfGratitude Day 4

My very first DIY project

Day 4/90 (10/04/2016):

MY FIRST PERSONALLY DESIGNED SHELF!!!

Years ago, my husband was interested in carpentry that he bought all the best construction tools he can possibly buy then. he even had woods ordered and shipped directly from japan for “projects”. He spent a lot for a hobby which he ended up not doing any projects … at all!

Fast forward to last week, while filtering which stuff to include for our garage sale, I found myself with lots of good woods to spare. An idea came into mind. I then had a carpenter cut the woods, did the assembly myself … and voila, “MY SHELF”!

Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon painting and was able to do just the 1st coating! Truly, anything DIY is a test of patience LOL

#GratefulFor –> youtube & google for all the DIY tips & guides LOL Because of these 2 reliable sources of information, I can add “furniture builder” in my resume LOL

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#90DaysOfGratitude Day 3

“The moment we accept our pain is the moment we release our suffering. 

Suffering is created when we offer life resistance, and what we resist 

most are the experiences that bring us pain.” 

― Alaric Hutchinson, Living Peace

Day 3/90 (10/03/2016):

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” — Proverbs 3:5-6

As I mentioned in my previous post, 2 months from now, I’ll be living temporarily in another country with a totally different culture & language. I. AM. FREAKING-LY. EXCITED.

So excited, that I re-opened this blog site . Nine years had passed since I first created this account. I blame laziness for not being able to update or use this then.

One thing I realized, while reading my previous posts then, was how GOD really moves and plans your life well when you call upon HIS name. HE does hear and answers prayers, perhaps not as fast nor the way we expect, but certainly on HIS own perfect time.

I was probably at my lowest when I wrote what I posted in the picture. During that time, and admittedly until today, my life is still “a work in progress”. Hubby and I still have some topics that we argue about. I still take each day as small steps towards a new life. But regardless of how hard those struggles were then, my faith did not wavered. I hanged on to & fully surrendered my life in GOD’S hands. I held on to HIS promise that “HIS plans for me is to let me prosper and not to harm me. He plans to give me hope and a future”.

With GOD’s grace and mercy, I was able to release the past. Because of HIS unconditional love, I am able to stand firmly. And, because my GOD is an omnipotent god, I can step confidently into the future without hesitations or fear. Definitely, with Christ in me, I can live fully in the present and brightly look forward for the future.

“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. ” — Romans 4:20-21

#GratefulFor –> having a wonderful & amazing GOD who is true to HIS promise

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HELLO WORLD!

"What I am doing, you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand"-- John 13:7

After 7 years, I finally re-opened my blog again! Finally, an outlet once more of my feelings and opinions in life LOL I actually read my previous posts and I can't believe how different my outlook was in life then. ' years may have passed but it seems like 7 centuries ago. As I read my posts, I can't help but feel proud that I have turned my life around. I have to praise and give glory to GOD because change is possible only with HIS grace.

Next month, I will temporarily reside in Japan. To say that “I am excited!” is an understatement!

I AM SO FREAKIN’ ECSTATIC. Just the though of living in another country with a totally different culture & language is enough to make me faint So excited I am for this new chapter in my life, that I decided to re-open my blog site.

I am planning to document my life in Japan. I’ll be recording every possible thing there is to record … from packing up my stuff, saying goodbye to Pinas & a lot more

So, countdown to migration begins today

Whispers In My Mind

When you are not earning, just living off someone's money... maybe you are a desperate person! But if that someone is your spouse, sworn to be with during better or worse moments in life... are you still desperate?

My husband's salary is a hundred folds more than all my salary combined from 2 different companies.  he is the provider, but is that not normal for married couple? Is it not normal for the husband to earn while the wife takes care of the house? So why then do I feel I'm so low???

Maybe it's because I don't have a job now. Probably  it's because I don't have the looks. Possibly, it's because I don't have the confidence. "Blame it on the rain, blame it on the stars... but whatever you do, don't put the blame on you."

Being ignored, insulted and taken for granted, these are actually factors that can cause one to question their self worth. Honestly, my confidence is so low right now that I can actually hear the whispers of the devils from hell. I can feel them slowly luring me to depression. Slowly, I am soaking in the insults. Slowly, I am believing that life is worth ending.

But then,  I hear the laughter of my daughter.  I hear the voice of a true friend. I hear the voice of the one who gave me life. HIS voice is encouraging me to hang on because life is worth living.

Quickly, I rise. Quickly, I stand to battle the depression inside me. As I take and live each day as step for a new life, I still sometimes hear the alluring whispers of being unworthy, but HIS voice is much louder than the whisper. HIS voice leads me to a new path with HIS light.

New Year+ New Resolution = New Life > Old One!!!

Another year... another chance given by GOD to correct the mistakes done in the past.
Last year was hell for me, obviously my previous blog entries proved that! I swear, I was a bum (no need for sugar coating) for almost 6 months. When asked why I was not working, I gave all positive reasons I can positively (wink wink) think of: “I'm taking time off from work” or “I want to focus on my family this time” or "Getting some much needed time to focus on myself". But the truth is: I am just scared!

If there was one huge mistake in my career life that I regret, it was leaving my previous company (JOB A) for another that I did not completely researched about (JOB B). As you all have read by now, I  am working, or worked for, a call center company (JOB A) for 8 years! Realizing it just a little too late, I was blessed to be working for JOB A. Salary was more than I have demanded for, hours were flexible, environment was nice. and most importantly, I had a smart and compassionate boss. But fool that I am, I didn't appreciate that blessing. I wanted more for my career, so I thought.

I applied and got another job (JOB B). I was deceived by the position title and believed it to  be higher than my current position. It was later I realized, the position title didn't exactly match with the job responsibilities.  Working hours, office environment, assigned tasks, and most especially my new supervisor were a huge disappointment. I could create another blog just for what i experienced working with my new boss. To say that the job stinks would have been a compliment. Less than 3 months, it was no surprised, I resigned. After this, I never took the time nor effort to find another job... even until now.

Honestly, I'm scared! I feel that I am longer qualified for another job within my experience. I could get another job easily in a call center, but that would take me back to square one: agent position.

This year I am setting goals for myself.
*To enter a law school: I longed to become a lawyer. Its a hidden dream that I was always to scared to pursue. But this year, I promise myself that I would study and take up law. I will not let my age intimidate me as well. Tomorrow, I will be taking the Ateneo entrance exams. I have not polished my Mathematical skills nor studied for this test... but I am confident that I will pass the exams! How? Why? What? I don't know! I just know I will.
*To get a part time job: This is actually tricky! My pride will  not allow me to accept any position that may take me back to square one.But I am well aware that I need an income to support my personal expenses!
*To finish my clearance: This has been long over due!
*To take up Japanese and Korean language: My husband is Japanese and I need to learn the language. I love Korean TV Dramas.
*To take up photography and video course: My GOD! I have so long wanted this! I certainly hope I can do this!

Lets see how many goals I'll be achieving this year!

what is it?

i want freedom... but too scared to have it
i want respect... but too weak to get it


it happens all the time...my husband and will get into fights...  fights that are becoming more confusing, consistent, and constant.

i have been working in a call center for 6 almost 7 years! my husband & i just celebrated our 8th year anniversary! this year, i decided to take a break from work and focus more on my family.  when i was working, i often heard my husband mumble "an office worker is way better than me". im guessing its because, unlike call center's infamous graveyard shifts, a normal office worker has a normal work shift. i've been working for 7 years, been promoted twice, never missed PTA's or any school events my kid had, and also been cooking meals for my family. sadly, none of those seem to matter, at least not to the one who matters to me, my husband!

i took a work break (read: resigned) because i wanted to focus more on my family. fortunately, not having to work is possible for me since my husband's salary is enough to support our daily living expenses. i have been "jobless" for less than 5 months now. ideally, at least in my dreams, i thought that by serving and taking care of my husband's every need, he would be happy and our fights would just magically disappear. but i was wrong! to my surprise, our fights even got worst!we argued like there was no tomorrow. worst, almost everything and anything can be a topic for long arguments.what is extremely scary, most especially to our daughter, is that our fights would often times become physical. there would be bruises and scars, but sadly no apology or even regrets would be given.

but at least, he is financially supporting the family, right?!? uuhhmm, yeah! right! no denying, my husband is really a good provider. without him, i fear that my daughter and i would be living in the streets! sadly too, my husband values the maid more than me, despite constantly cooking and being at his service 24/7. our fights have become so bad that my husband refuses to acknowledge my presence. in short, we are now ignoring one another.

honestly, i can't bear it anymore. i long to for my husband and i to fix our relationship!

im depressed... i need help! i need someone to talk to...

MOTHER? WIFE? MYSELF?

sabi nila... "im a good mother" daw
i take care of my kid... lalo na pag may sakit
i discipline my kid... minsan palo, madalas lecture... minsan, madalas, ako pa nga ang na-iiyak eh!
i love my kid... kahit na gutom ako,yung food ko, bigay ko na lang sa kanya... kahit sya pa yung busog! hehehe

pero sabi ng asawa ko... "im a bad mother" daw
i dont have enough money to feed my kid... sabi nya... maliit lang kasi sweldo ko eh
i dont make time for my kid... call center kasi trabaho ko... minsan pag uwi ng anak ko from school... tulog ako
i dont love my kid daw... kasi di ko kayang bilhin mamahaling gamit for her

kanino ba ako makikinig?

sabi nila... "im a good wife" daw
i stop everything for my husband... pag may utos or sakit ang asawa ko... SL agad ako sa office... minsan sobrang dami na nga ng SL ko... nakakahiya na
im faithful to my husband... kahit di naman ako kagandahan, may mga temptations din... pero parang drugs... I SAY NO! hehehe


pero sabi ng asawa ko... "im a bad wife" daw
lagi daw akong sumasagot... di ka ba sasagot pag medyo naiinsulto ka na?
inaasa ako lang sa maid daw ang pag luto... call center nga kasi ang trabaho ko... madalas di ako nakakapag luto ng umagahan... madalas din... dahil siguro sa pagod... di rin ako nakakapag luto ng gabihan... pero kaya nga may maid, diba?


kanino ba ako makikinig?


sabi nila... "im a good" person daw
laging masaya... kahit mabigat ang problema... tawa lang
matalino... madali kasi akong matuto... atsaka, for some reason, madali akong mag memorize ng mga numbers, madaldal... makulit kasing akong tao, kahit di ako umiinom, mas makulit pa ako sa lasing! hehehe


pero sabi ng asawa ko... "im a bad person" daw
mataba kasi ako... siguro kasi hindi ako sexy kaya masama akong tao
wala daw akong pakialam sa mga tao... ang sa akin lang naman: respeto lang... let others be... basta walang masamang ginagawa ang iba sa akin... keri lang! anong paki ko sa long hair mo... kung dyan ka masaya, go ako! parang ganoon ang motto ko eh!

kanino ba ako makikinig?